A recap in my life this week. Well winter is here. I mean it was before but it is fucking cold as shit and while I love the cozy warmth of chill, I do not like the wind. The wind can kiss my ass. My face doesn’t like it. Dry skin, winter problems. Is it possible to have snow , just on the grass, no wind and cold weather? Who can make this shit happen, because I will sign up for that shit.
Anyway, future husband has agreed to forgo the ceremony portion of the wedding. Making me like the happiest fucking bride ever. I am like do we have to do this? It is boring and people are going to just sit there and the best part of weddings is the reception so can’t we just skip to that? I am still being a bitch and trying to get out of feeding these people. I am like eat before and I will give you liquor and a dance party, but he isn’t down with that. I guess I need to take my small victory and let it go.
Okay I am done with the boring shit ( well you might find this boring too, but then why are you reading this) So , I got a message from this dude who ghosted me. Three years ago. Nothing dude fucking disappeared. It was like he didn’t even exist to begin with. Until Wednesday that is. He sent me a message and says hey. My eyes are like bulging out of my sockets like one of those cartoon characters and I am like what the fuck is this really happening. I am a fucking cat and curious as fuck so I have to reply. I was all like, ‘um hi’ and then he ask if I remember him. Asshole I know you , I just want to know why you are trying to talk to me. Anyway, he conveniently doesn’t remember how things ended. He was deployed, and in remote locations and couldn’t let me know because blah blah blah.
First of all that was three years ago. What exactly happened in your sorry life that you thought you could come crawling over here and I would be even remotely interested.
Second, Even if I was single, there is no way in hell I would even consider a “second chance”. Dude seriously. He tells me that he has thought about me every day and missed me and all the other typical lines someone who fucked up sends your way.
I never understood this whole ‘breaking up’ by ignoring a person until I started dating after the divorce. But I still have yet to grasp why everyone is a fucking coward. I mean how does a person literally disappear from the face of the Earth like nothing. But why go through all of that ,then not a week, not six weeks, not even six months, but three years later fucking crawl out of the hole they have been living in. Who does that?
Well, in light of me being a new loving person and forgiving things, let me tell you how you didn’t fuck up my world.
Bitch I am getting married.
No description needed.
Yeah I cried, then picked my fine ass up.
I cried a lot, I am sure it was a good two weeks of crying before I picked myself up and was like you are a fucking goddess, and he gets no more of your feelings. This shit is hurting no one but you. Then moved on to my next fella.
I am no longer that stupid.
Not that I was a fucking idiot, but I was pretty stupid. I do an emotional inventory check now when getting involved with people. I want healthy relationships. Romantic and otherwise. I was in a vulnerable place and when I play the whole thing back it is all so clear. He preyed on my feelings of hurt and betrayal he was that guy who swooped in when someone else fucked up and played the hero. And left when there was no saving left. I don’t need that shit in my life. I am smarter than that.
You gave me something to write about.
My life is full of stories. Somewhere between a fine line of the fucktards I ahave dated and living in this mess of a mind for me. But I adore every guy who fucked up because you make better stories. (Sorry Matt! I love you!) But no one wants your happy story all the time. Sometimes people need to know that you have shit that sucks too.
I am a Goddess.
Like so many before you and the many after you. The one night stands, the multiple night stands, and the few serious relationships I had before and after you, the one thing that any of you have in common is you made it so much more clear that I am a Goddess and I deserve to be treated as such.
I am not your girl, I am not your fucking piece of ass. I am the girl that you thought you wanted. I was different, beautiful, funny and intelligent. You said I wasn’t like other women, that I was amazing, but then you got tired. I grew to be exhausting because you realized I wasn’t like the women you dated before. You realized I wasn’t a mouse and don’t know how to ‘keep my mouth shut.’ It annoyed you that I wasn’t yours to bend and mold into the perfect wife. I am not yours to mold. I may not have always spoken up, but I sure as fuck never wanted to bend over and be anyone’s bitch( Unless we are role playing and we talked about that shit first. :O lol I couldn’t help it) But seriously I want a partner. I want someone who is going to work with me and accept me in this skin. If you don’t well your loss. And that is how I see it.
Anyway, that was my week. Heading into another. Hope you all are doing fabulous!
Don’t be an asshole though.