As we are rapidly approaching 2016, I thought I would say a few things. While most people are making resolutions and goals and promises that, they may or may not keep. I am sitting her thinking what was good in 2015. It was not the worst year of my life that is for sure. But it wasn’t the best. I spent quite a bit of it depressed, which took me away from writing. But what did happen is that I finally started working in my field. But my student loans are now due. But it is what it is and I will manage somehow. The significance in this job means I am not one-step closer to my ultimate dream of being my own boss. So, bright side.
I have watched my daughter grow and become a better person every day. As she gets older, I just want to make sure that I teach her to be a decent human. Life is hard, but you can still have fun, laugh, and smile. But you shouldn’t be an asshole. In order for our world to change, we need to change the way we teach our kids. So I teach her all the things that I know. Good, bad and ugly. I teach her that your feelings are okay to feel and that you should never be ashamed. I teach her that your body is not the definition of your worth, but you also do not need to stress about fitting into the mold. We are not sheep we will make our own paths and loving ourselves is one of those ways. You will not always feel great about yourself, but you should always treat yourself well. Be kind because if you aren’t then other people will learn that it is okay to be a shit head to you. She is smart and I am proud of her so far.
My relationship flourished. After a year of being back together, Matt and I grew in strides. We learned to talk to each other and share our feelings. I am still a brat, but I am willing to admit that I am sometimes wrong. WE love each other no matter how much the other can be a pain in the ass. We accept each other as they are. He is my partner, my teammate and is always on my side. We give and take. We are we… Not I or you, but a we. He also popped the question. Included my daughter and made me an even happier woman. So now, I am busy planning a wedding, which I am determined to not let stress me. But luckily, I have two friends who are wonderful and will help me stay in check.
My health. This is an area that I did terrible at in 2015. I am not sure what it was or why, but I really did lose my way. I mean for goodness sake I have maybe written five post the entire year. So I have enlisted help this time. I have talked with Zoey and Matt and both let them know what I need help with and how to they can help. I also am working on taking better care of myself. Doing things, I love. I love cooking for Matt, but I have to remember that it isn’t a bad thing if I practice self-love. Something that is so important to me and something that I want to discuss with all of you. So I need to practice what I preach right.
This has been a great year for friends. I have met someone that I know will be a lifelong friend and it truly, someone I know has never judged me. I need those types of people in my corner. I have also been a better friend. Trying to make time to see them and not just bailing or flaking. I also had a deep conversation with my oldest friend and was able to understand why she left me when I really needed her. It hurt, but also made me remember that this woman loves me more than I know and couldn’t continue to sit by and watch me destroy myself. And while it isn’t necessarily okay, I am okay with it because I understand what it is like to feel so helpless and lost and know that no matter what anyone says you are still going to continue to hurt yourself. So she couldn’t help me because I wasn’t ready.
So as we approach a new year. A new page in the book that is my life I am going to remember that I have changed so much in the past year and I have experienced new things. I will remember these things and I will use the failures as a lesson. I will flourish next year. I know this because I did this year. It may not see like it, but I did, because I am still here. I was strong enough to get out of bed, brush my teeth, and eat something. I made it and so many didn’t. So for all of the others who suffered so badly this year that they just couldn’t make it one more day , I will continue to live and try to change the way people view things. So that maybe one less person will take their life. I will continue this story, because it isn’t done.